How do each of us receive criticism, or feedback of any sort?
How do we react when we are told what we are doing wrong?
How do we give feedback to others? Do we empower or dis-empower? Do we motivate or de-motivate?

In fact many of us react to direct and negative criticism by becoming defensive, issuing excuses, laying the blame elsewhere………….., the list goes on; in fact once we have put up the shutters and created a barrier to protect us from what is uncomfortable, we actually stop listening!

By giving poor feedback, feedback that is negative, and personal we begin to create poor self esteem, usually resulting in reduced performance and often indifference to ourselves and to what we do.
On the other hand how often are we praised for what we do well, when and how are we given recognition – one of the basic human needs?
All too often we resort to focussing on what is going wrong and by highlighting this incorrect behaviour we are actually reinforcing it. (Try NOT thinking of a green elephant!). We always get exactly what we are thinking about; therefore I would suggest that we create a change in incorrect behaviour by:

- Identifying and praising something that is correct or positive and ensure this is accurate sincere and accepted by stating what is noticed with evidence to support it.

- Adding the required change of behaviour, positively – using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ ensures that you are building on top of the previous comments. (The word ‘but’ is a deletion word and would delete all the praise so far given).

- Finishing off the feedback with an overall summary statement that once again reinforces the positive characteristics and the changes that are required which leaves the receiver feeling empowered

What is your feedback like – do you inspire? You will know if you pay attention to the response you get!!

Example:

(Feedback to someone who is curt and abrupt on the phone)
I’ve noticed how conscientious you are in answering the phone because of the number of clients you deal with daily.
And to add to that skill, practice using a smile when you greet clients because you will appear friendlier.
Overall, by adding this smile as you talk, you will enhance your calls and even if they take longer, you will notice an increase in your sales.